Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Because.

FINALLY got home at 4am. It took me about 27 hours to get home. My first train was 5 hours late. What was supposed to be a 5.5 hour train ride lasted 7 hours.

Finally got to Chicago.

My wallet got stolen within the first 15 minutes I was there.

I have no money, ID, and I've probably just gotten my identity stolen.

But one lady blessed me with $20 so I could eat, and another girl gave me a granola bar (at this point, I hadn't eaten anything all day).

Then the next train home was delayed for at least another 5 and a half hours, but luckily Matt was only a few hours away and was heading home so he came and picked me up, and my train still hadn't left.

Then, like I said, finally got home at 4am. My mom and sister welcomed me with signs and a tiara and balloons and those party noise makers. That was enjoyable, especially after one of the crappiest days ever.

Canceled all my cards and memberships today. But I'm still a little worried about my Soc. Guess we'll find out on my credit reports. And I'll need to get a new license the moment I get back. Except I can't drive to get there.

But I have to wonder...what idiot would steal a wallet from a college student? They'll be sorely disappointed. And I hope they are. Jerk.

Now I just have to find a way to get home without any identity but a ticket stub.

But at least here there's lots and lots of snow. :) And familiar faces.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Oh! do not attack me with your watch. A watch is always too fast or too slow. I cannot be dictated to by a watch.

Might I just express my excitement that I am officially enrolled in a class that is dedicated to a thorough study of Jane Austen's work??

:D!!!

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Believe

I wonder what would happen if the world believed in God the way they hype about Santa:

Believe

(Click the 'Yes, Virginia Letter' and you'll see what I mean)

Thursday, December 11, 2008

My totally super special awesome phone call!!

Once upon a time in a land far away there was a girl we'll call Lis. Lis was hired as a supervisor at a retail store which shalt not be named. It was cool at first, because she got a fancy name tag and this store contained objects that suit her favorite hobbies at a discounted price.

One day, after months of denying it, she realized that she hated her job with a deep passion lit by the burning flames of hell. She had a desire to build relationships with people and change the world. After attending a life-changing conference she had finally decided that the world was not going to wait for her to get her degree to change it (because at the rate she was going, that could be a very long time). Thus, she began researching for opportunities that would coincide with her career path.

After minutes turned into hours, hours turned into days, days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into about a month or so, Lis stumbled upon a ministry in her area that works with high schoolers in an attempt to reach them at one of the most critical times in their lives where they will be most influenced. It would basically pay her for acting like a kid. "Behold!" She exclaimed, "It's like being a camp counselor every day! And I'd be able to wear a different outfit every day?! I have suffered at the hands of the khaki pants and black button down shirts conspiracy for much too long! Plus, no more Christmastime in retail!"

So she filled out an online form on their website praising them for the ingenius idea to reach out to the city that she resided in and asked if they had any opportunities available.

One day passed. Then two..then three, until time turned into two weeks. And finally, her cellular telephone began singing "I Feel It All" by the ever talented Feist. She reached over and picked it up, holding her hand to one ear as the household dog began barking at absolutely nothing.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is this Lis?" (Pronounced incorrectly...as usual)

"Yes! This is Lis." (She corrected the pronunciation...as usual)

He apologized for mispronouncing her name, and she assured him that it happened every day of her life, so he had nothing to worry about.

He introduced himself as one of the dudes from this organization she had shown interest in. He explained how amazing God works, because they had been praying for new leaders to come and join their team. He apologized for taking so long to call her, but she assured him of her excitement that he even did call her at all.

They chatted for a few moments and agreed to meet sometime the next week to discuss more about the organization and see if Lis was really interested in joining their team.

She hung up the phone and just marveled at how amazing God is. Then she ran into the kitchen to share the news with the wonderful family she was living with, and asked everyone and their mom for prayer that this was the next place God was leading her.

To be continued...

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Stereotypes, chaos, and snow (or lackthereof).

I've discovered that I have phenomenal reflexes.
However, I have terrible depth perception.

"Every saint can have his body under absolute control for God. God has made us to have government over all the temple of the Holy Spirit, over imaginations and affections."
Oswald Chambers

I think there are different stages of faith. And at the same time, as I become older and learn more about people and who God is, I'd almost find it safe to say that there are different styles of faith. Hm. I don't know if 'faith' is the term I want to use here. But I'm going to nonetheless, because the term 'style' is what I wish to emphasize. Perhaps what I actually want to say here is that there are different styles of worship. There are people who like old fashion worship. Whether that means hymns, potlucks, or only using an organ in church services. And a lot of times they grumble at the hoodlums who stole those hymns and organs and replaced them with drums and fancy shmancy lights. These hoodlums are more of a contemporary bunch. Like Hillsong or James River or even the Judges at Fine Arts (you AGers know what I mean). And we have the theologian-like-minded persons who like to break things down into minuscules. You know, because there must be some significance to the smallest hair on the big toe of the left foot attached to the seven headed, ten-horned monster in Revelation 12. It's okay, I have, and do, get curious and nit-picky about these things at times, too.
There are even those who find it acceptable to simply take, within or without reason, the bible as it is.
And I know there are more, plus sub-categories and other limitless possibilities and explanations. This is just my unorganized stereotypical less-than-bullet-point version of a long drawn-out thought process and debate I've had in my head.

Nontheless, they all claim to serve the same God.

I wonder...why do we so often limit God's abilities? I think it's difficult for us as humans to accept that our minds are finite. Is it really so unreasonable to think that God knew and currently knows that we all wouldn't be the same? As long as we all understand that no one comes to the father except through Jesus Christ and obey His commands, what significant difference does it make in the grand scheme of things whether we systematize our 'faith' or 'worship' or not?

---------------------

Anyone else think that this whole so-called terrible economic crisis is in everyone's heads? I think we're all freaking ourselves out for nothing. Maybe that's just me. Or maybe it's not.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Lis Lisanne Lis Ann

Click here and look at number 1679.

That's my name. On a list of English names, they have mine!! And if you look at number 1681, you'll see that they also have Lisanne. That's my first AND middle name! In ONE! Even though I have the dreadful spelling of Anne without an 'e'.

But that's my name!!! :D

Monday, December 1, 2008

Monday Night: Planets Align in a Frown

Over to the left there you can see my house, and more toward center is my John Deere and random park bench, next to my old-school bug zapper, in which I like to go sit on and ponder the mysteries of life while reading Paul's Epistles in the Cotton Patch Version.
Look up at the sky Monday night to see a bright cosmic frown. The planets Jupiter and Venus will briefly align to form (nearly upside down) two eyes and a frowning mouth in the southwest.
In what's called a planetary conjunction, the two planets —the brightest in the night sky — will appear extremely close, separated by only the width of a finger held at arm's length. They won't be this close together and well-placed for evening viewing again until May 2013.
In fact, some astronomers think a similar alignment of the planets on June 17 in the year 2 BC is behind biblical accounts of the Star of Bethlehem present during Christ's birth. The bright planets would have appeared so close together they could have been taken as a single shining star.
Though the three celestial objects will appear to be close together Monday night, they lie at drastically different distances from Earth. While the moon is only 252,000 miles away, Venus is 370 times farther away, at 94 million miles. And distant Jupiter lies nearly six times farther away than Venus, at around 540 million miles.
The tables are turned when we think about the heavenly objects' relative size. While the moon appears as the largest of the three, it is really a tiny speck in space compared to the vast bulk of Venus, which is again dwarfed by Jupiter, the largest planet in the solar system. Jupiter's diameter is 40 times that of the moon.
Though Jupiter is much larger than Venus, it appears dimmer to us, because the latter planet is so much closer to Earth. Plus, Jupiter is much farther away from the sun than Venus, so the light bouncing off it is much less intense than the light bouncing off Venus, which hasn't had to travel so far.
By Clara Moskowitz December 01, 2008 | 6:52:19 PMCategories: Astronomy

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Three months from that date at that time...

Some key points of the last like..month..or so...:
  1. DFL was amazing. Some day I'll give you details. Maybe later.
  2. I'm now sponsoring a child from Haiti and supporting 5 new projects taking place over there. My heart bursts with joy and tears fill my eyes every time I think of watching 499 other women choose to do this with me..and then at least 20 more last week! In our hearts I think we're all aware that God was just waiting for the right people to impact this one nation that so many people have written off before. It was like watching one nation be changed right before our eyes..in one single night. Incredible.
  3. Uhh 8 of my friends have become engaged in the last 6 months. This has to be a record. I love hearing their engagement stories. However, on a more selfish standpoint..I'm losing all my friends to permanent friends! And I'm automatically excluded because I'd be like the 17th wheel and we're all fully aware that would be awkward because we should always do things in evens. I suppose now I'll have less distractions when I'm trying to study. But no, really, I'm incredibly happy for all of them. :) We owe it to the Constitution.
  4. Car registration for the state of Missouri is almost complete. Praise God. This has been a pain in the butt.
  5. Schooling is almost completely set up for next semester. Praise God. This has also been a pain in the butt.
  6. I got a fortune cookie the other day that said "Remember three months from this date. Good things are in store for you." That's probably the first actual FORTUNE cookie I've gotten since they decided to turn them all into "Statement Cookies."
  7. I hate my job. And I decided that the world isn't going to wait for me to get my degree for me to change it. So therefore, I'm praying for a new job that's much more in line with my career path. And, for the love of God, it does NOT involve retail. Or supervising in retail. Which I hate. With a passion. In case I haven't mentioned that I absolutely hate my job to the very core of my being.
  8. Studying Greek. When I get a little more literate in that I'll probably begin Hebrew. No. I WILL begin Hebrew. :)
  9. I have hair again :D Huzzah. I shall never ever cut it again. That's a lie, I will but I will never risk cutting it short ever again. At least not before the age of 50.
  10. I also turned 21 on Nov. 4th. Tristen took me out to a lovely dinner where I tasted my first alcoholic beverage ever and I managed to drink half of a pina colada. But once it started melting and I could actually taste the alcohol I decided I didn't like it so much. Better luck next time.
  11. I go home in 4 weeks. Which is weird. I have no clue where my mother lives, considering I haven't been to Michigan since last Christmas.
  12. And for the sake of practicing what I preach and ending up on an even number, my cousin and I have begun an abridged series. More details later. ;)

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

asdijaslkdjaio

I will update, I promise. I didn't intend to leave ya'll hangin' on how excited I was about the Conference and not provide you with any follow-up. :)

One of these days.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Designed For Life 2008

Rise Up with Strength and Dignity

"How rare, how beautiful are God's thoughts toward you.

You could never comprehend them.
You could never count them.

They number more than the sands of the sea.

More than the stars in the sky..."



Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Designed For Life



WHOO HOO!!

Promo ;)

We've been anticipating and praying for this weekend for months.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

There Is A Sun-Star Rising Outside Form

Yesterday as I was driving to work there was a rainbow in the East. It hadn't even rained! But to the right of the sun, there it was, hanging gloriously in the morning sky, welcoming the day.

Then my morning got even better. Gas was only $2.66!! I filled up on $30! It was decided, it was definitely going to be a lucky day.

And work wasn't too terrible. Of course we had the normal crabby customers who think bringing their bad moods into our store is going to force us to comply to their every...want. But if the worst thing that happens to them that day is that we can't honor their non-existent coupon or use it on a book, I'm grateful I don't have to witness them handle a real problem. But amidst them, I had a customer, who I guess I've checked out times before, who told me that I was always so pleasant when she came into the store. :) It was very thoughtful of her to say so. And words of affirmation always lift my spirits.

Nothing of real significance happened yesterday. But I've been seeing more "doubles" lately. Hmm..what's the next one? 10/10. 11/11. 21/21.

.....22?!

I feel like I just solved a piece to a puzzle!! Haahaha!!

Anyway...still haven't figured out what on earth "Martin's Troops" refers to. I've discovered a dude named Martin who led the 17th North Carolina Infantry in the mid to late 1800s. It's still the most random thing I've ever come up with.

Today I met a lady who is moving to Europe because she's a writer and can go anywhere she wants to. How exciting that sounds! I wish I was bold enough to be a writer. But I can only imagine the inspiration that must flow from such surroundings that dwell in Europe. But I suppose you could find beauty just about anywhere if you allowed yourself to. It must be a real-life adventure, living the life of a writer. Well...I suppose it would also be not-so-real-life cause...they're a writer...

A Necessary Autumn Inside Each

You and I have spoken all these words, but as for the way
we have to go, words

are no preparation. There is no getting ready, other than
grace. My faults

have stayed hidden. One might call that a preparation!
I have one small drop

of knowing in my soul. Let it dissolve in your ocean.
There are so many threats to it.

Inside each of us, there's continual autumn. Our leaves
fall and are blown out

over the water. A crow sits in the blackened limbs and talks
about what's gone. Then

your generosity returns: spring, moisture, intelligence, the
scent of hyacinth and rose

and cypress. Joseph is back! And if you don't feel in
yourself the freshness of

Joseph, be Jacob! Weep and then smile. Don't pretend to know
something you haven't experienced.

There's a necessary dying, and then Jesus is breathing again.
Very little grows on jagged

rock. Be ground. Be crumbled, so wildflowers will come up
where you are. You've been

stony for too many years. Try something different. Surrender.

-Rumi

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Whatever, Martha!

So I just discovered that Martha Stewart's daughter has a TV show dedicated to poking fun at her mother. It's kind of sad to watch. It just seems like therapy for all her bitterness toward her mother...not very pleasant.



And I'll be honest, I'm a fan and frequent user of Martha Stewart Crafts. Whether she thought these little ideas up herself or not, I enjoy them nonetheless.


Saturday, October 4, 2008

Hallelujah

Why is it that so many people who are given the gift of love and marriage take it for granted? Too often I witness people looking at marriage as though it is simply a contract that can be easily broken with a small fee. But I can't pull myself to believe in such a thing. Is it not more of a covenant between a husband and wife and God? It's a gift, like the covenant God made with us by sending Jesus to die for us. It's a commitment. What if God decided to break His covenant with us just as easily?

And I think the part of me that is frustrated the most about it is that there are us who are (by the grace of God) patiently waiting for the right person as we endure what is, at times, an immense loneliness while speculating these injustices being done. On the other hand, it makes me grateful for my singleness and that God has set me apart. And I'm not saying it's always both sides of the party that mishandle things. Often times it's only one, and my heart breaks for the other person who usually didn't even see it coming. It happens way too often. But I can only pray that God will redeem them and bless them greatly for continuing to be faithful to the unfaithful. Although I may not tell these dear friends of mine so, I admire them for their strength to endure their messy break ups and divorces.

But we can be grateful that God keeps His promises because He is faithful, and there's something even better awaiting all of us.

I guess I'm just in that season of my life where relationships are blooming or wilting and people are getting married or not-so-married. Since I'm still the single one, all I really do is observe. Sometimes I have to remind myself I'm only about 21. I don't feel 21. But then again, I haven't necessarily felt that I fit in my age group for quite some time now. However, it does assure me that I have plenty of time according to the average life-span of a human being. :)

So this was just a collective rambling since I haven't been keeping up much in this blog. Usually my physical journals last from May to May..but I actually don't have too many pages left in the one I'm using now. Which stinks, cause it's my favorite design thus far. But the next one I have waiting for me with its empty pages is a pretty nifty one. Probably the most unique one yet.

Anyway..midnight is now in the past and we're going to a corn maze later. One of my most favorite things! :)

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Thinking Without Limits

Autumn is officially here!! Although the first day of Autumn was warmer than the last day of Summer. But this week it's nice and cool. I loooove the fall! Yesterday we decorated the house in a gorgeous array of colors with leaves and pumpkins and such. It was pretty wonderful.

I'm preparing to go back to school next semester. The only downfall is that it's difficult for part-time students to get financial aid. But at least it'll be about half the price. I've really enjoyed this time off though. It's really helped me to allow God to place some things in my life. To find more pieces to my puzzle. :)

I'm dropping music altogether, though. Honestly, I just want to sing. And I don't need a degree to sing if I don't plan on doing professional opera or anything. So to replace my music minor I have Sociology. Which, lucky for me, Theology, Sociology, and Leadership share a lot of the same classes. And I think the collaboration of the three of these will be much more enjoyable than the last.

In other news, I'm in three weddings next Spring/Summer! April, May, and...July. I get June off I guess. :) The funny thing is, in all of them I'm wearing different shades of blue. And as much as I hate to plan my wedding before I even know who my future husband is, I've concluded that blue will not be one of the colors in our wedding. haha But wow...I can't even believe how many people have been getting engaged just in the past two months! Everyone's growing up so fast. I wish they'd wait for me.

Anyway, I'm going to go paint. Yes. Paint. :) I decided that since I cannot yet afford my camera, I will create images with my own two hands. One of these days, though!


Thursday, August 21, 2008

Captivated

I love the rain. It's so refreshing. Today was a lovely rainy day of about 68-73 degrees tops. I don't know why, but it made me so happy. If I didn't have to work all day, I would've curled up with a book and some tea and read all day. But today was wonderful nonetheless. Today I saw four of my friends from school come into work.

Then after I got off, Jerilynn told me she was back too and wanted to go out to dinner. So we met up with Janae at Culver's and chatted for at least two hours. I love girl talk. And not the vicious gossipy girl talk. The fellowship of femininity and all the joys that flow from it. I'm so blessed to have the friends that I do. I told Jerilynn how it's like a completely different place here without them. My friends are a huge part of what makes this place feel like home. I feel like my surroundings are transforming before my eyes with each friend that returns. Even though I haven't gone any new distance than what I normally do.

It's pieces that were missing from my puzzle that are being placed back into their rightful spots.

I feel like I'm being pursued. And not by some brave, handsome knight on a noble white steed. But by my heavenly prince, who loves me more than I could ever hope to comprehend. how could I forget all the wonderful things he's done? He never changes. I change. And sometimes I become blinded by the things of this world.

But my Prince is always there to rescue me and open my eyes once again. How can I run from someone so faithful and true? I feel like Solomon's bride, constantly running away from him as he continuously calls for me to come home to him. But I get distracted by the world.

But eventually, I always find my way back to my precious Jesus. And I wonder how I became separated from Him in the first place.

And yet, He loves me anyway. Unconditionally. Faithfully. And willingly.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

"If you judge people, you don't have time to love them"

Why is it that we so often choose to look for the worst in others rather than the best? It doesn't leave them much room to exceed our expectations. When we expect the worst from a person, it's likely that's all we'll see from them, because we don't allow them to give us anything better or allow ourselves to see anything better.

If we could spend more time searching for the best in each other, we open the door for encouragement and growth. And we'd finally stop setting each other up for failure.

God did not send Jesus to die on the cross for us to judge and shun one another. He loves us as the sinners that we are. We weren't placed on the earth to be hopeless creatures lost for all eternity. We were created by God, in His image, to serve Him. And who are we to tell God that His creation isn't good enough? If it were me, I would be so terribly offended. Especially if it were my most treasured masterpiece.

~~~~~~~~~~

Update:

Packed up and moved out Thursday morning. I'm staying at my friend Jenna's while she's out of town until Monday. The apartments didn't tell us until Thursday (you know..the last day of the month) that they don't allow more than 3 unrelated persons to live in one apartment at once.

So I'm not sure what I'm going to do after Monday, but I just need somewhere to go until 2 of the girls move out at the end of the month when school starts back up and hopefully move into the apartments.

Tangent:

I applied for an auto loan yesterday. My brother is helping me find a decent car that isn't about to self destruct like the one I have. Then maybe I'd feel safe enough to drive it home so I can visit my family every once in a while. Yes, I realize there are things called planes...but I hate flying. Even though I've done it a billion times, I think it's still my biggest fear. I don't feel near as much anxiety in any other situation.

End Tangent.


I can't wait until the day I can finally find a place I can really call home. And it actually feels like a home. You know...the kind where you're actually wanted there.

And Tristen says that she believes for me. I'm so lucky to have the friends that I do. I purchased a few new scrapbooking supplies yesterday. One was this pad of rub-on quotes about friendship, and there's this one quote that I just love...because it seems to ring so incredibly true:

A friend is someone
who knows the song in your heart,
and can sing it back to you
when you have forgotten the words.

And a song that's an old favorite of mine and several of my friends began playing in my car Thursday on my way to work when I was feeling incredibly disheartened and exhausted. It reminded me that there is a God who's in control and loves me even when love seems so distant from me. A God who understands more than I ever could. A God who is eternally faithful regardless of how flawed I may be or how I stop believing in myself or how lost I get. A God who accepts my weaknesses just as much as He accepts my strengths.

Great is thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me

Morning by morning I wake up to find
The power and comfort of God’s hand in mine
Season by season I watch Him, amazed
In awe of the mystery of His perfect ways
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful to me.

I can’t remember a trial or a pain
He did not recycle to bring me gain
I can’t remember one single regret
In serving God only, and trusting His hand
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful to me.

Great is thy faithfulness, Oh God my father
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All I have needed thy hand hath provided
Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me.

This is my anthem, this is my song
The theme of the stories I’ve heard for so long
God has been faithful, He will be again
His loving compassion, it knows no end
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful, He’s always been faithful
He’s always been faithful to me.


Thursday, July 24, 2008

Could You Look At Me With Some Imagination?

When there's nothing to believe in, I believe in you
Forget the past and let my hand in yours be the proof
Though the strong could be my company, you're the one I choose
So remember, I believe in you

I know it feels like every eye is watching you
Waiting for you to fall, expecting you to lose
But I see victory, so all you have to do
Is remember, I believe in you

I believe, even when I see you crying
I believe, let me dream for you
When nothing comes from trying
Remember, I believe in you

There will come a day when love will lift you out of here
There will come a day when love will bring the truth
There will come a day when love will free you from your fear
And you'll remember, I believe in you

I believe, even when I see you crying
I believe, let me dream for you
When nothing comes from trying
Remember, I believe in you


My vision seems so clouded. By what, I'm not entirely sure. That's not true...I think deep down I know that the enemy is attacking me from every side. And it has caused me to at some point down this road slide back into the trap of working to please others. Working so hard just so I can be deemed adequate by others. Instead of working only to please my heavenly father.

I think between the attacks and stings of the enemy I finally feel weak and defeated.

"I think you are stronger and wiser than you used to be. You just don't see it. Don't give up! God keeps his promises and he wants to give you an extraordinary life to the full!"

There is so much that I don't understand, but so desperately wish I did.

How I want to trust God and allow Him to love me. But the longer time goes by, the less I think I know what love even is.


You shake your head
What is so hard to believe?
When you are in your bed
I sing over you the sweetest things

Because oh, my love does not tire
I'm awake when the moon is full
And I know the times when you feel lost
And you just aren't sure

Lo and behold
My love hasn't grown cold
For you

You could steal away in the middle of the night
And hide in the light of day
While you cloak yourself in the darkest lies

But oh my love, it swims in the deepest oceans of fear
And as soon as you lower your head
I am here

Lo and behold
My love hasn't grown cold
For you

If only you could see
How heaven stills when you speak
I know all your days
And I have wrapped you in mystery

And oh, my love for you
Is as wide as the galaxies
Just hold out your hand and close your eyes
And come be with me

Lo and behold
My love hasn't grown cold
For you

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Psalm 27:13-14

"Yet I am confident I will see
the Lord's goodness while I am
here in the land of the living.

Wait patiently for the Lord.
Be brave and courageous.
Yes, wait patiently for the Lord."


I'm moving out...it's a long story...but I could use some prayer that everything goes smoothly.

And perhaps a little encouragement as well.

Thanks. :)


“Be completely humble and gentle;
be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
Ephesians 4:2

Thursday, June 26, 2008

You're Always Missing Someone

My facebook status:
Lis misses all her friends who went home for the summer. :( Add her friends who are still in the 'Creek, too :(

Me: Well..I'm going to Target..
Me: Allll byyyy myseeellfff...
Don't wanna be..
all byyy myseeellff
aaaannnyymooooorrreeeeeee

Micaela: I would walk 500 miles
and I would walk 500 more..

:)

One thing I hate about growing up is that you're always missing someone.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Glad Marriage Tidings To You!

What do you say to someone who's getting married soon? "Happy Wedding! or "Glad Marriage Tidings to You!" "Congratulations" is more like something you'd say early on in the engagement. I've had a couple customers come in this week who are getting married this weekend, and I wanted to leave them with something...but I had nothing. And for a moment, I was entirely perplexed that I had no idea what to say.


I may never understand the ways of God. I wish I could tell the difference between God's voice and my own hopefulness. It's so difficult to comprehend the possibility that his will for me is something that I can't imagine experiencing. I feel so far from it, I'm unaware of what it is that I'm missing. It hardly seems likely to become a reality.

On another note, I'm beginning to feel my inspiration, excitement, passion, and love for knowledge again. I don't think the full-time classroom setting is for me. To be honest, I never paid much attention in class during high school. I'd simply take as many notes as I mindlessly could, then teach myself the material when I got home. Then I'd never have to study for a test and eventually graduated with a 3.8/4.0 GPA.

I think that if I could teach myself I could do perfectly fine and retain more information. Perhaps I will still graduate from Evangel. But with what? I know God is leading me into Women's Ministry, but I also have this desire and motivation deep within me to own a business (Archiver's, anyone? ;) ). And do I want to be confined to the AG forever? No.

I just want truth.

One thing I love about online journaling is that you can go back and fix your mistakes without scratching out your old mistakes and causing blobs and smears of ink all over the pages. Sometimes I go through what I call my actual journal (the one not seen by the public eye, because it is written down on paper and hidden away in my bedroom), and I find mistakes, misspellings, and grammatical errors that I wish to fix, but at the same time I don't want to make the entire work sloppy. It's an ongoing war that I choose to endure. I suppose all I can do is attempt at practicing things correctly the first time.

Next set of business...2 things I'm praying for God's provision:

First - Mercy Ministries. They friended me on myspace a while ago. They posted a bulletin the other day and it reminded me that they exist! It interested me, so I began looking into it.

What it is, is an organization that has facilities around the globe where young women (between ages 13-28) can go to seek help and guidance. A lot of them go there because of abuse, addiction, depression, etc. Mercy Ministries helps them through a program that allows them to recognize their self-worth and prepare them to reach their full potential. Eventually they graduate from the program with a new outlook and view of the world and themselves through God's eyes.

Their mission is for young women to experience God's unconditional love, forgiveness, and life-transforming power. They have an internship program I'm interested in. Their closest facility to me is in St. Louis. I don't know if I'd do it any time soon. Only if God leads me to.

They recently had a women's conference to celebrate their 25th anniversary and some of the women that spoke have spoken at James River, including Charlotte Scanlon-Gambill (whom I heard speak right before I left for tour) and Christine Caine (who will be speaking at our Women's Conference this fall). One of their mottos struck me:

Your past doesn't have to define your FUTURE.

Amen!

Second - Authentic Girl Fellowship. Eric and Leslie Ludy's books are THE books that really impacted and changed my life. There are usually those sources, people, and events that played a huge role in who you are today and have yet to become. Namely, When Dreams Come True and Authentic Beauty are some indicators of that turning point in my life.

Basically with the fellowship, I apply to begin my own Authentic Girl Fellowship group in my area. At the moment, I really feel this one set on my heart. I've chatted with some of my girl friends about their participation and their response contained such inspiring enthusiasm. I think it would be a great opportunity not only through campus, but also for young girls throughout the city of Springfield.

Well, it's late. Or early. And I must wake up early enough so that I may spend some long overdue time with some familiar faces. :)

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Your Grace Is Sufficient For Me

"That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!"
2 Corinthians 4:16-17


Last week I had this incredible moment with God. I had been so stressed since I had returned from tour with my car not starting, the toll not being able to work for a month has on you, and Father's Day just around the corner.

I was lying on the floor staring up at the ceiling and started crying because I miss dad so much. I miss him calling me every day just to tell me he loves me, he's proud of me, and reassuring me that I'm doing things right. I began speaking out loud, and at first I just felt like i was talking to the ceiling...but then I realized God is really there. I can't fully comprehend it, but I have faith in a God who's alive and always with me. He sees it all. Sometimes I forget that. Sometimes I feel like I'm stranded out here all on my own. But I'm far from it.

He's real. He's there. God knows all of this. He's known it even before he died. I can feel Him. And He gives me peace. And I think He's beginning to reply.

For an update, my car is working now and I have a job at Michaels Arts and Crafts. :)

The other night I was watching Anne of Green Gables, as always. How alike the character of Anne and I are. She hated that her friends were growing up. Her, too. That things were changing. How inconsistent it all was.

And I like to think that I'm in favor of change and inconsistency. I am. But my inconsistency has become my consistency. Change and I have become well-acquainted friends. So if God wishes to give me something I can keep for a while, I need to willingly accept it without question or fear.


I found this video on Scarlett Lillian's photography blog (layout inspired by). I didn't know that Jeremy Camp wrote this song after his wife died. His testimony renewed the lyrics' meaning for me. I still accept and discover truth in all the things God has taught me to recognize in the past year since the passing of my father. No one has ever loved me like my father did, except God himself. And I need to remember to trust that. That God loves me as a father loves a daughter, and all of this is part of His will for me. I may never have all the answers...that's okay. As long as God keeps me safely in His secure embrace.

"I Still Believe" by Jeremy Camp

Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
Seems I don't know where to start
But its now that I feel your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

I still believe in your faithfulness
I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when I don't see, I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises I still seem to bear
Even when answers slowly unwind
It's my heart I see you prepare
But its now, that I feel, your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

I still believe in your faithfulness
I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when I don't see, I still believe

Well the only place I can go is into your arms
Where I throw to you my feeble prayers well in brokenness
I can see that this was your will for me
Help me to know that you are near

I still believe in your faithfulness
I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when I don't see, I still believe


Saturday, May 31, 2008

Someday

Tour was great. There were so many great experiences. So many opportunities and relationships. So many new beginnings.

So much that God is doing behind the scenes that we're completely unaware of.

And now we're home sweet home. But my car won't start...which is a bit of dilemma. I need a job...and I need to be able to have transportation to that job.

But hey, I just found out that I can type 90 WPM. That makes me feel accomplished. ;)

And if I don't get the job at Hobby Lobby, my next choice is Barnes & Noble. Books and Coffee, two of my favorite things!

Now I try to discover where it is God is leading me. But the mystery of it all is a huge part of the adventure. I'm excited. I don't know what for, but I'm content with that. At least for the most part. :)

"When a soul sets out to find God it does not know
whither it will come and by what path it will be led;
but those who catch the vision are ready to follow the Lamb
wherever He goes, and it is as they follow,
obedient to what they have seen, in this spirit of joyful adventure,
that their path becomes clear before them,
and they are given the power to fulfill their high calling.
They are those who have the courage to break through conventionalities,
who care not at all what the world thinks of them,
because they are entirely taken up with the
tremendous realities of the soul and God."
Bishop Bardsley
GC 159-162

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.


Monday, April 14, 2008

You Change Me

After writing in my journal
(my real one that is not seen by the public) a moment ago,
I thought I'd look back through it just to see what God
has done in my life the past year.

And after writing what I had just written,
what I read from before made so much sense.

God has healed me through circumstances that
I would not have chosen, but a year ago I was afraid.
I had no confidence in myself and I was afraid of not
measuring up to my future husband.
A year ago, I would have taken my current circumstances
and blamed it all on myself.
I would have thought that somehow,
I did something to deserve this.

But God had this happen not to show me that I'm still not ready.
Someone made me realize that perhaps this is happening because
God is showing me just how far I have come.
And I'm more prepared than I think.

I'm not afraid anymore. I don't need someone else,
whether a guy or just my friends,
to measure my self-worth.

And I can lose trust in everyone I had ever put my trust in,
but I've spent the past two years establishing who I am in God.
And nothing Satan tries to throw at me can separate me from it.
Not even my own human nature.

A year ago, this would have brought me back to Ground Zero.
But I feel stronger. I feel more ready.
And I don't have to sit here lying to myself so I that feel stronger.
I am stronger.

After telling me the story of how God put her and her husband together,
one of the costume ladies from the show, Larla, spoke to me in tears
telling me that God will prove His faithfulness,
And He is in control and loves us and will work out
every single little detail.

And I started crying, and told her I so desperately
needed to hear that. So we cried and hugged
and she told me to just trust God.

He will make known to me His faithfulness.

And I will make known to Him mine.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

God is in the rain...

I just ran around outside in the rain for almost an hour.
I'm completely dripping wet.
And my entire body is numb.

And this time I was alone.
Not a single kiss was stolen in the moonlight.

It was wonderful.

And who would've thought I'd be so impacted by
a quote from V for Vendetta (which I haven't even seen):
"God is in the rain..."

God is in the rain...

The rain is needed for things to bloom and grow.
To add color and beauty to an otherwise lifeless landscape.
To bring life to seeds that must die first in order to
become something unpredictable.

It cleanses. When water rushes against rocks it's purified.

I accept the rain.
The truth will set me free...

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

God's strength is tailor-made for weakness...

...We are never stronger than when we admit we are weak.

Sown in dishonor,
raised in glory;
sown in weakness,
raised in power.
1 Corinthians 15:43

I woke up this morning to the sunlight spilling through the window...
I forgot who I was for a little while. I'm not sure how or when it happened.
But God rescued me from darkness. He gave me intuition when I was being naive...
there were so many things I didn't see, but I'm glad I see them now rather than later.
I can handle emotional harm.

I think the sunlight was a promise.
It's still there even when it's cloudy and the rain is falling for weeks on end.
It shines just as radiant as always, even behind the clouds.

Love still exists no matter how much it's misused.
No matter how much it hides from me.

God's still there working out the details.
No matter how deafening His silence may be.
No matter how little of His work I see now.

And I can be as cautious as I'm humanly capable of being,
but I'm entering a season of re-discovering myself;
re-discovering God,
and who I am in Him alone.

I'm re-entering a season of freedom.


"When I feel afraid,
And think I've lost my way,
Still, you're there right beside me.
Nothing will I fear
As long as you are near;
Please be near me to the end..."

Monday, March 17, 2008

Super Quick Update!

Mexico was absolutely amazing! I didn't even want to come back. I think I may study Spanish with some friends of mine...it's always good to know more than one language. I'd be like..tri-lingual!

In other news...6 weeks of school left.
Then 3 weeks of tour.
Then second session Summer classes.
Also, I'm taking a semester or two off of school to work.
It's way too expensive...and I could use the space to breath.
Ellie and I are looking at apartments...
The more I think about it, the more excited I get!

God can still use me even if I'm not following society's formula.
It doesn't mean I failed.
It simply means that my path is the road less traveled.

And I'm hoping to get a job at hobby lobby..the hours are absolutely perfect. And they're looking for people to teach classes!

Friday, February 29, 2008

Buenos Dias!

Mid-terms are FINALLY over with, and I'm leaving for Guadalajara, Mexico tomorrow! So excited!!

Monday, February 18, 2008

Quick update!

So I've had the flu for a week and a half. I'm finally getting over it but now my poor roomie has it! Although she's moving through it a lot quicker than i did.

Also, I got a call back for the second round of interviews for RA. I'm so glad...I was sick during my first interview so I didn't really function as I would've liked. But hey, I get a second chance! :)

Mexico is in two weeks! I'm almost there, just about $180 more dollars to raise!

Aaand that's about it. :)

Monday, February 11, 2008

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Florida

The Leadership Conference in Tallahassee, Florida was quite an experience. It was such an honor and privilege to be chosen to go on this trip. There were 15 students at the conference total, most of which were graduates. The rest of the attendees were doctors, directors, etc. In a setting with those statistics it would be very easy to feel out of place, but honestly, I felt like we really had a voice there. Some of them were actually amazed that there were students attending the conference simply for the experience!

The theme was learning how to address Hot Topics on College campuses. It was so interesting looking at it from a Christian perspective. I gained so much appreciation for Evangel, the fact that we have so much freedom in a shared belief that sets a unity between those on our campus. I explained this to some directors at other, secular colleges and they actually considered it a healthy environment.

But something they really emphasized in some of the sessions I attended was the importance of listening. Something I've really began feeling passionate about this year is making sure that everyone's voice is heard and considered. I've been in several group settings where ideas are shoved off, or even people are left out all together and I know that it isn't necessary for that to take place. I was glad that this was brought to attention at this conference.

Overall it was an enjoyable trip. The last day we just enjoyed ourselves (and each other!) until we had to go to the airport. I honestly think I'm going to take these things I've gathered and apply them to the leadership roles I find myself in. Whether it's a title I have, or if it's simply asking myself, "What can I do to help this situation?"

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Victory

Let me just express the internal events that took place today. I just switched my major to Biblical Studies and I'm in Sophomore Seminar for Theology. I'm the only Bible major in that class so I feel the expectations for me are somewhat higher than the others in this class. We're writing a 10-15 page Exegesis paper on a scripture assigned to each individual by our professor, and we've had these insane papers to fill out at the Library. I just switched from a Music major so I didn't have to write a whole lot of papers or make many trips to the Library so honestly, earlier today I had no idea what I was doing. And I've felt that way a lot lately.

Earlier today I was feeling really discouraged. Basically I felt like I wasn't intelligent enough to go into ministry, but I've reached my musical limits and so I was just feeling like I'm not good enough to go into anything and my entire college career and life was just going to end up in failure.

Then I realized, Hey, I switched to go into full time ministry because that is what God is calling me to do. And not only that, God isn't going to call me into failure. Those are lies that Satan is trying to use against me to bring me down and shatter every last bit of my confidence so that I can't fulfill God's work for me.

So I prayed for academic and spiritual discipline, and decided that I was going to trust God to work through me and give me the tools and confidence and abilities I need to fulfill His plan, because I know I can't do it on my own. I'm not meant to do it on my own anyway. Only God can do it through me.

And I finished that worksheet with hardly any trouble whatsoever, and I got so much accomplished today. Now that I've decided to win the victory over Satan trying to work against me, I feel so much better.

With every day God is breaking down so many of my barriers. I'm actually overcoming fears that I never expected myself to win over. But thank God, this outcome is going to be good.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Listen With Your Heart

I'm so glad God is consistent, because I myself am very inconsistent. But at least I can be assured that there's hope in my inconsistency.
So the results of AOGG auditions: He pre-casted the play. Sadly! Even the drama people themselves are upset at a great deal of injustice that took place at auditions. I guess he wants to use this show to showcase the drama dept. So I could've been Anne Shirley in the flesh or completely bombed it and it wouldn't have mattered. It's just disappointing because all the work done since August to prepare myself for these auditions meant nothing. But there's a reason for everything. I got Ruby Gillis. The smaller parts were given to the non-drama majors. But for some reason, God wanted me to be Ruby...so be it!
School is busier than ever and it's still only January! There is so much in store for this semester, I can hardly wait. I only wish I had more time to excel in my homemaking skills! This weekend my roommate and I spent some time learning to crochet and loom knit. Honestly, if I could major in homemaking I would totally do it.
Just thought I'd update. Now I have lots of homework to do...

"Ask God to see the world through His eyes."

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

School Sweet School

I'm back at school once again! Break was good and somewhat refreshing. Auditions for Anne of Green Gables are next week, so Tristen and I picked up a script today. It's such a wonderful storyline!

If I could choose anything I learned over my break it would be these things:

  1. Love people. Everyone. Even those who seem to be unlovable. We're called to do so. Yes, sometimes it's hard. And you can sit there and think of reasons why you should shun or close certain people out all you want, but how on earth are they to learn to love themselves unless someone sheds some light upon them and shows them how? One of the best ways to reach people is by being an example.
  2. Forgive. You can't love if you can't forgive. One of the most difficult things for me to forgive is selfishness. I hate so much to sit there watching people make decisions without caring a bit how negatively it affects the people around them. But I have to forgive them. I think of all the things I've said and done to cause pain to my God. While He sits there watching my recklessness...He's always forgiven me and welcomed me home with open arms. And if my merciful savior forgives me no matter my decisions, then I must show the same courtesy. I wrote a couple quotes down regarding forgiveness from Beth Moore's "When Godly People Do Ungodly Things":
"The same God who knew in advance
that you would become one of His
children also knew in advance that
you'd be susceptible to fall for a
deceptive scheme of the evil one. Still,
He says you were adopted with pleasure."

"After all God has done for me, if I were to
withhold from the Pharisee the right to
splash in the river of forgiveness, it would
make me a bigger one than he."

I also read a quote earlier today that said, "God is so much easier to please than people." I think this also includes ourselves. Life becomes so much more enjoyable when we choose to please God over ourselves. I see when I try to please myself I am never fulfilled, and usually unhappy.

3. Don't wait for change. Be the spark of the flame yourself. The peacemaker Gandhi said it so well, "Be the change you want to see in the world." I want to see God's character reflected in our lives, and that can begin with me. There's no use in sitting here waiting for it to happen. Take a risk and let God use you in the unknown. You can't even imagine the adventure that will be set before you!

Classes begin again tomorrow. This will be my first semester in my new major. I'm excited but also utterly terrified. But like I said, I need to take a risk and see how God is going to use me. And I must remember to act and write from the heart.

Also in other news, in a couple weeks I'll be going to Florida for a Leadership Conference. I was chosen with 3 other people from my school to attend. I'm so very excited. I'm anticipating the new relationships I'll build on this trip.

My missions trip to Mexico is in about two months also. I still need to raise more funds, so if I may ask that you pray for God to provide for me and the other kids going, I would be forever grateful!

That's really all the news I can think of for now. I should go finish organizing my planner for the semester so I won't have to worry about it later. Farewell, friends!

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

A Prayer For A Friend

This I pray for you, my friend -
that you strive to be all that you can be,
yet never become a copy of another.
That you realize your own unique qualities
and all that makes you special.
That you open up your eyes to the beauty in each day.
That you reach out to others less fortunate than you.
That by giving you learn the joy of receiving.
That you let go of the sadness of the past,
yet always remember the good moments.
That you learn to accept life as it is,
even with its disappointments.
For life is meant to be enjoyed and at all times endured,
but never take it for granted.
And I pray that you will be aware at all times
that you are one special person,
among all special persons.
And do the best you can.
By: Robin Morgan