Sunday, June 15, 2008

Your Grace Is Sufficient For Me

"That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!"
2 Corinthians 4:16-17


Last week I had this incredible moment with God. I had been so stressed since I had returned from tour with my car not starting, the toll not being able to work for a month has on you, and Father's Day just around the corner.

I was lying on the floor staring up at the ceiling and started crying because I miss dad so much. I miss him calling me every day just to tell me he loves me, he's proud of me, and reassuring me that I'm doing things right. I began speaking out loud, and at first I just felt like i was talking to the ceiling...but then I realized God is really there. I can't fully comprehend it, but I have faith in a God who's alive and always with me. He sees it all. Sometimes I forget that. Sometimes I feel like I'm stranded out here all on my own. But I'm far from it.

He's real. He's there. God knows all of this. He's known it even before he died. I can feel Him. And He gives me peace. And I think He's beginning to reply.

For an update, my car is working now and I have a job at Michaels Arts and Crafts. :)

The other night I was watching Anne of Green Gables, as always. How alike the character of Anne and I are. She hated that her friends were growing up. Her, too. That things were changing. How inconsistent it all was.

And I like to think that I'm in favor of change and inconsistency. I am. But my inconsistency has become my consistency. Change and I have become well-acquainted friends. So if God wishes to give me something I can keep for a while, I need to willingly accept it without question or fear.


I found this video on Scarlett Lillian's photography blog (layout inspired by). I didn't know that Jeremy Camp wrote this song after his wife died. His testimony renewed the lyrics' meaning for me. I still accept and discover truth in all the things God has taught me to recognize in the past year since the passing of my father. No one has ever loved me like my father did, except God himself. And I need to remember to trust that. That God loves me as a father loves a daughter, and all of this is part of His will for me. I may never have all the answers...that's okay. As long as God keeps me safely in His secure embrace.

"I Still Believe" by Jeremy Camp

Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
Seems I don't know where to start
But its now that I feel your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

I still believe in your faithfulness
I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when I don't see, I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises I still seem to bear
Even when answers slowly unwind
It's my heart I see you prepare
But its now, that I feel, your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

I still believe in your faithfulness
I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when I don't see, I still believe

Well the only place I can go is into your arms
Where I throw to you my feeble prayers well in brokenness
I can see that this was your will for me
Help me to know that you are near

I still believe in your faithfulness
I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when I don't see, I still believe


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