Sunday, January 25, 2009

I'd most certainly recommend them to a friend, however, I do not pride them in being suitable for myself.

God has a plan. If God had not foreordained the course of events but waited until some undetermined condition was or was not fulfilled, His decrees could be neither eternal nor immutable. We know, however, that He is incapable of mistake, and that He cannot be surprised by any unforeseen inconveniences. His kingdom is in the heavens and He rules over all. His plan must, therefore, include every event in the entire sweep of history.
Loraine Boettner, “The Reformed Doctrine of Predestination”

I honestly don't think I could be studying a novel such as "Sense & Sensibility" at a more prominent time. My struggles as of late are such that have left me completely torn between two worlds. I am praised by one side for being so creative, while at the same time being scolded by the other for not fitting into the cookie cutter processes this world supposedly calls for. Why can't you observe both? I think it's perfectly possible. And as long as my motivation is to please God, where can I go wrong? It's just difficult for me to accept that God would create us as emotional beings with hopes, dreams, desires, and feelings so that we can suppress them to be successful in this world.

This world is not my home.

So why strive so hard to be a part of it? I'm book-smart and I have common sense, but even my common sense will tell me that God designed me as a relational-oriented person as oppose to a task-oriented person (although there is a hint of that within myself...or that could just be OCD) with full intent. And who am I to put a price-tag on His blessings?

I understand there is a goal that is to be reached and I will not always be completely satisfied with the necessary means of reaching that goal. That's fine. That's acceptable. That's reality. But to be chided for [finally] finding the courage to pursue one's interests specifically so that they may actually put their gifts and talents to use instead of frantically seeking things in places they'll never find them seems unreasonable.

I let go of it, told God where my heart was and that I couldn't decide if I was right or wrong or both. And this time I really gave it to Him. I fasted for it. I prayed about it constantly. I had to force myself to stop worrying. And what happened? Even though I was willing and opened doors to do the "sensible" thing against all that I felt and desired to do, God gave me what I wished for.

I'm still unsure of several things, but at least I can say that God hears me. And He does indeed care about the things I care about. As long as my ultimate goal and motivation is geared toward Heaven, I have nothing to lose. Because apart from God, I am nothing, regardless of what this world claims priorities should be. I'm very glad that God does not look at us as statistics.

We want to taste and see the plans you have for our little lives. Plans for us to prosper, far away from harm. You will come and answer, when we pray to you, our God. Plans to give us hope.

You'll be found by us when we seek you with all our hearts.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Who is to mark time? And how are we to outrun it?

"Why didn't you go to art school?"

...Why DIDN'T I go to art school?!

I guess the more obvious answer to this would be that God called me to work in women's ministry. And I learn better on my own. I also suppose that you don't necessarily need a degree in art in order to be considered good. Where as a woman in ministry (especially a single woman at that), it helps to have a degree (and a pastor for a husband).

Speaking of which, I was looking at the job offers outside of the Theology Department this morning and most of them required the individual to be married. What if you're called to singleness?? What if you're single for the mere fact that you're actually setting yourself apart and trusting that God is going to bring the man of your dreams into your life and lead you into a pure, God-glorifying relationship? I would think if that were to happen during the course of a single person's time as, say, a Youth Pastor, it would be a GREAT example to young people about God's original intent for relationships and marriage.

But I'm just a single girl trying to go into ministry.

Thank God for Etsy. ;)

Friday, January 2, 2009

See ya in April.

I got a camera. I can hardley express my total excitement to finally pursue something I've been interested in for so long.

I now have the power to capture memories. Feelings. Beauty.

I'm heading back to Missouri tonight! I'm eager to start school again!

Happy New Year!