Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Victory

Let me just express the internal events that took place today. I just switched my major to Biblical Studies and I'm in Sophomore Seminar for Theology. I'm the only Bible major in that class so I feel the expectations for me are somewhat higher than the others in this class. We're writing a 10-15 page Exegesis paper on a scripture assigned to each individual by our professor, and we've had these insane papers to fill out at the Library. I just switched from a Music major so I didn't have to write a whole lot of papers or make many trips to the Library so honestly, earlier today I had no idea what I was doing. And I've felt that way a lot lately.

Earlier today I was feeling really discouraged. Basically I felt like I wasn't intelligent enough to go into ministry, but I've reached my musical limits and so I was just feeling like I'm not good enough to go into anything and my entire college career and life was just going to end up in failure.

Then I realized, Hey, I switched to go into full time ministry because that is what God is calling me to do. And not only that, God isn't going to call me into failure. Those are lies that Satan is trying to use against me to bring me down and shatter every last bit of my confidence so that I can't fulfill God's work for me.

So I prayed for academic and spiritual discipline, and decided that I was going to trust God to work through me and give me the tools and confidence and abilities I need to fulfill His plan, because I know I can't do it on my own. I'm not meant to do it on my own anyway. Only God can do it through me.

And I finished that worksheet with hardly any trouble whatsoever, and I got so much accomplished today. Now that I've decided to win the victory over Satan trying to work against me, I feel so much better.

With every day God is breaking down so many of my barriers. I'm actually overcoming fears that I never expected myself to win over. But thank God, this outcome is going to be good.

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