Tuesday, May 26, 2009

There Is Freedom

Then the time came when the risk it took
To remain tight in a bud was more painful
Than the risk it took to blossom.
-
Anais Nin

This was perfectly timed. Imagine that, God knows what He's doing. As much as I wish to be completely invisible most days, I sense God slowly nudging me in another direction.

Be strong and courageous.

But God, I just want to live my life without people acknowledging my existence so much. If I'm invisible, my self-esteem doesn't get knocked down a couple notches every time I leave my home. You see what I'm saying?

But I have something more.

But I'm not capable. I'm a magnet for disaster. I never do things right or say the right things..I can't even come into contact with a single flight of stairs without falling down them or have a coherent conversation with a stranger without babbling or embarrassing myself in some way.

I am the vine and you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.

...Okay you have a point. Sigh. Alright. Jesus, take the wheel.

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And that is the gist of my convos with God as of late. Finally, I'm letting Him win. Not that I was winning before. I was just trying to win and failing miserably, causing this game to last longer than necessary.

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