Someday

Tour was great. There were so many great experiences. So many opportunities and relationships. So many new beginnings.

So much that God is doing behind the scenes that we're completely unaware of.

And now we're home sweet home. But my car won't start...which is a bit of dilemma. I need a job...and I need to be able to have transportation to that job.

But hey, I just found out that I can type 90 WPM. That makes me feel accomplished. ;)

And if I don't get the job at Hobby Lobby, my next choice is Barnes & Noble. Books and Coffee, two of my favorite things!

Now I try to discover where it is God is leading me. But the mystery of it all is a huge part of the adventure. I'm excited. I don't know what for, but I'm content with that. At least for the most part. :)

"When a soul sets out to find God it does not know
whither it will come and by what path it will be led;
but those who catch the vision are ready to follow the Lamb
wherever He goes, and it is as they follow,
obedient to what they have seen, in this spirit of joyful adventure,
that their path becomes clear before them,
and they are given the power to fulfill their high calling.
They are those who have the courage to break through conventionalities,
who care not at all what the world thinks of them,
because they are entirely taken up with the
tremendous realities of the soul and God."
Bishop Bardsley GC 159-162

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

You Change Me

After writing in my journal
(my real one that is not seen by the public) a moment ago,
I thought I'd look back through it just to see what God
has done in my life the past year.

And after writing what I had just written,
what I read from before made so much sense.

God has healed me through circumstances that
I would not have chosen, but a year ago I was afraid.
I had no confidence in myself and I was afraid of not
measuring up to my future husband.
A year ago, I would have taken my current circumstances
and blamed it all on myself.
I would have thought that somehow,
I did something to deserve this.

But God had this happen not to show me that I'm still not ready.
Someone made me realize that perhaps this is happening because
God is showing me just how far I have come.
And I'm more prepared than I think.

I'm not afraid anymore. I don't need someone else,
whether a guy or just my friends,
to measure my self-worth.

And I can lose trust in everyone I had ever put my trust in,
but I've spent the past two years establishing who I am in God.
And nothing Satan tries to throw at me can separate me from it.
Not even my own human nature.

A year ago, this would have brought me back to Ground Zero.
But I feel stronger. I feel more ready.
And I don't have to sit here lying to myself so I that feel stronger.
I am stronger.

After telling me the story of how God put her and her husband together,
one of the costume ladies from the show, Larla, spoke to me in tears
telling me that God will prove His faithfulness,
And He is in control and loves us and will work out
every single little detail.

And I started crying, and told her I so desperately
needed to hear that. So we cried and hugged
and she told me to just trust God.

He will make known to me His faithfulness.

And I will make known to Him mine.

God is in the rain...

I just ran around outside in the rain for almost an hour.
I'm completely dripping wet.
And my entire body is numb.

And this time I was alone.
Not a single kiss was stolen in the moonlight.

It was wonderful.

And who would've thought I'd be so impacted by
a quote from V for Vendetta (which I haven't even seen):
"God is in the rain..."

God is in the rain...

The rain is needed for things to bloom and grow.
To add color and beauty to an otherwise lifeless landscape.
To bring life to seeds that must die first in order to
become something unpredictable.

It cleanses. When water rushes against rocks it's purified.

I accept the rain.
The truth will set me free...

God's strength is tailor-made for weakness...

...We are never stronger than when we admit we are weak.

Sown in dishonor,
raised in glory;
sown in weakness,
raised in power.
1 Corinthians 15:43

I woke up this morning to the sunlight spilling through the window...
I forgot who I was for a little while. I'm not sure how or when it happened.
But God rescued me from darkness. He gave me intuition when I was being naive...
there were so many things I didn't see, but I'm glad I see them now rather than later.
I can handle emotional harm.

I think the sunlight was a promise.
It's still there even when it's cloudy and the rain is falling for weeks on end.
It shines just as radiant as always, even behind the clouds.

Love still exists no matter how much it's misused.
No matter how much it hides from me.

God's still there working out the details.
No matter how deafening His silence may be.
No matter how little of His work I see now.

And I can be as cautious as I'm humanly capable of being,
but I'm entering a season of re-discovering myself;
re-discovering God,
and who I am in Him alone.

I'm re-entering a season of freedom.


"When I feel afraid,
And think I've lost my way,
Still, you're there right beside me.
Nothing will I fear
As long as you are near;
Please be near me to the end..."

Super Quick Update!

Mexico was absolutely amazing! I didn't even want to come back. I think I may study Spanish with some friends of mine...it's always good to know more than one language. I'd be like..tri-lingual!

In other news...6 weeks of school left.
Then 3 weeks of tour.
Then second session Summer classes.
Also, I'm taking a semester or two off of school to work.
It's way too expensive...and I could use the space to breath.
Ellie and I are looking at apartments...
The more I think about it, the more excited I get!

God can still use me even if I'm not following society's formula.
It doesn't mean I failed.
It simply means that my path is the road less traveled.

And I'm hoping to get a job at hobby lobby..the hours are absolutely perfect. And they're looking for people to teach classes!

Buenos Dias!

Mid-terms are FINALLY over with, and I'm leaving for Guadalajara, Mexico tomorrow! So excited!!

Quick update!

So I've had the flu for a week and a half. I'm finally getting over it but now my poor roomie has it! Although she's moving through it a lot quicker than i did.

Also, I got a call back for the second round of interviews for RA. I'm so glad...I was sick during my first interview so I didn't really function as I would've liked. But hey, I get a second chance! :)

Mexico is in two weeks! I'm almost there, just about $180 more dollars to raise!

Aaand that's about it. :)